


boomer slowburn xbox fridge

by sleepy_vampires



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, bubby and coomer are middle aged and roommates, shitpost fic, the xbox fridge is sentient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepy_vampires/pseuds/sleepy_vampires
Summary: buuby and coomer are living together but arent gay yet but definitely homo, and bubby likes to sit in the fridge, the xbox fridge
Relationships: Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	boomer slowburn xbox fridge

Coomer walked into the door of the shared house. Thud. It was a dainty little townhouse located in the New Mexico desert; close to where Black Mesa resided, and paid for by the facility. Neither of them were against the idea of living together—it was  _ tolerable _ , though Black Mesa failed to give a reason for this situation. Perhaps it was a social experiment? Black Mesa was great with those!

The house wasn’t much to look at, the outside was standard, and the inside was only half decorated. Harold liked to bring in plants and there were still Christmas decorations up from last year, even though It’s the middle of July. 

Coomer backed up, and  _ opened _ the door this time. “Bubby?” he shouted, looking around the room before traversing forward. The house was… quiet. Unusually so.

Fearing the worst, he searched for a note, a letter, a pen pad, anything that would have left a message that his roommate was gone. Perhaps he went on an unexpected trip to the store, or got kidnapped by a rogue Black Mesa experiment, or maybe sold off to the government… but there was nothing there.

“Bubby?” He called out once more, composure chipping away. “Did you eat one of my plants again?” Cephalanthus. The short scientist was already making plans for his partner’s funeral when...

“Over here, Harold!” His taller counterpart called from across the house. Their voice was muffled by the walls, but Coomer’s advanced mechanical ears picked up on the direction perfectly. 

When Dr. Harold P. Coomer opened the door to the garage, he was stunned at the size of the box taking up space. The cars weren’t even in the garage anymore, they had to be moved outside for this absolute behemoth of a cardboard box. It was decorated, too. On the cardboard was printed advertisements for the contents within. 

XBOX SERIES X FRIDGE - 4K 120FPS 1TB SSD

POWER YOUR DREAMS. A large imposing picture of the “Master Chief” from the Halo series was plastered on the side. Another side held specs for the machine.

It’s a refrigerator, you know. A refrigerator (colloquially fridge) consists of a thermally insulated compartment and a heat pump (mechanical, electronic or chemical) that transfers heat from its inside to its external environment so that its inside is cooled to a temperature below the room temperature...

“Bu-” The shorter man was cut off by a finger put to his lips. It was an Xbox brand fridge. Xbox.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking Harold, we already have a fridge and this is an ‘unnecessary purchase’ and a ‘bad idea’- but just hear me out!  _ Gamer _ Fridge.” They emphasized the ‘gamer’ part. “ **_All the gamer are going to love this fridge!!_ ** ”

When the white-haired man pulled away their hand from their lab partner’s face, they expected an answer. Instead, they got silence. Harold was stunned. His hands slowly moved upwards towards his head, and his metal fingers ran through his brown hair in that stunned silence. His eyes were wide, mortified. The first question in his mind finally popped up.

“ _ How is this going to fit in our kitchen? _ ”

Bubby’s facial expression went from excited to thoughtful, worried, and then almost dejected. They raised their finger and brightened up with an idea, changed their mind before words fell from their open mouth, thought about it for a second, and now they’re scratching their head in further thought. Another idea makes their eyes brighten, and then they lose hope in an instant. This happens once more before they try to form words again. “Eh- Well- uh. Maybe we could-”   
  
“Bubby….” Harold interjects. 

“Okay,  _ okay _ , we haven’t even gotten it out of the box yet, it’s probably smaller than the box, right? Let’s just open it.” The tall scientist pulls a box cutter from his pocket and gets to work.

Harold returns to some semblance of life again after the initial shock is replaced with confusion to how Bubby opens boxes. It’s definitely not the correct way. They’re cutting the surface repeatedly like a rabid animal would claw at a floor it was trying to dig into- and making zero headway at that. It became more frantic once they realized it was harder than they previously thought.

“That’s… that’s not how you open a box, hun.” He slowly reaches his hand to grab his roommate’s, calming down their box-cutting. “Here, Let me do it.” He pulls the boxcutter from their hand and starts in on the box. And then realization dawns upon him. The box wasn't cardboard.

“...Huh?” Coomer pauses. “This isn’t cardboard.” He says. “This is...wood. Bubbythisisawoodencrate.”

“A whu-huh?” 

“Bubby…” He breathed in deeply, “HOW DID YOU DRAG A GIANT WOODEN CRATE INTO OUR GARAGE?!”

A beat passes before Bubby answers. “...Forklift.” 

“And where did you get a forklift?”

“Work.” 

“You have a forklift certification?”

“.....No.”

“You do know that Black Mesa is 15 miles away, yes?”   
“Yes.”

“How did you get the forklift here?”

“I drove it”

“From where in Black Mesa did you get the forklift?”

“The warehouse.”

“How did you get it past security?”

“I drove over them.”

“YOU DROVE OVER THEM?!”

A loud crash cut the conversation short. The two of them look back to see that the crate’s door has opened and the bottom ramp has extended. The fridge starts rolling out. It rolls down the ramp and stops at the bottom. There is now a giant, black, imposing rectangle in the garage.

“And you said I didn’t know how to open a box.” The tall scientist said smugly. 

“YOU DON’T!”

Bubby walked towards the fridge now standing in the garage. They give it a firm little pat, as if it was a dog that they were very proud of. “This baby can hold so much gamer fuel! You’ve got strong arms, right? Help me get it to the kitchen.”

Coomer turns away to hide a smile while he goes to open the door in between the house and the garage. He decides to humor his lab partner. At least with that size it can hold scientific experiments  _ and _ food. He secures the door, then moves to the fridge. Bubby is already trying to push it with both of their twiggy little arms. It won’t budge. As soon as Harold starts pushing, though, he’s literally leaving the other in his dust. Bionic arms can be quite handy, sometimes. And he continued pushing, even after Bubby had fallen onto the floor. “HEY!”

~~~Fridge Skip~~~

With the old fridge gone (it was empty anyways) and the new fridge now installed, the Xbox symbol in the top left corner started glowing. A new voice emitted from the giant black rectangle. A female voice. 

“Hello, I am your new smart fridge, the XBOX SERIES X FRIDGE. You may call me Cortana.” 

Coomer recoiled immediately, blurting out a string of profanities while Bubby grinned. “Sweet.” 

“How much did you say this was?” whimpered the shorter scientist, whose voice had begun to heighten out of fear. “I didn’t. But, eh, how much was in your vacation funds?” Harold’s jaw dropped, “Bubby! You didn't! You opened my wallet and.. I can’t believe you—”

“Voice detected.” The fridge made a shrill beep. And then the door began to move. “Oh, Bubby! It’s faulty! We’re going to end up in the next Space Odyssey!” He used his roommate as a shield, an  _ awful _ one. Shields are used to intercept attacks, whether from close-ranged weaponry or projectiles such as arrows, by means of active blocks. Shields also provide passive protection by closing one or more lines of engagement during combat. And Bubby could do none of that. Speaking of Bubby…

“Bubby?” Coomer gave them a gentle shake, but they didn't respond. Looking past their body, he could see that the door had opened in its entirety. The interior of the Xbox Series X Fridge™️ was illuminated by a turquoise glow, and the cold air had begun to pool out, cooling the entire room. His hairs stood on end, and he brought his arms around the professor’s torso. 

They were warm. They always were.

“Bu-” Suddenly, Bubby jerked their body forward. Avoiding the man’s touch as best they could, and even flashing an expression down at him that was roughly translated as ‘What the Hell?’ Coomer retrieved his arms and apologized.

“It’s.. bright, Harold.”

“Indeed! Now, how do we get it closed?”

They shrugged, waltzing over to the fridge. Coomer’s protests were blocked out as Bubby slipped a leg in, and then bent over to (somehow) fit the rest of their body into the second shelf from the bottom. They reached an arm out to grab at the door.

“Bubby, get out of there!”

“What? I’m taking a nap! When I wake up, you’ll find that I’ve become the ULTIMATE gamer.”

They flashed their teeth at Coomer, who squinted with disgust, and then successfully shut the door.

“What the fuck?”

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to my friend spy who wrote this with me but doesnt have an AO3 so i cant add them as a co-creator.


End file.
